Controversial Statement?

“I couldn’t live here and be white.”

That was a statement made by someone a few days ago during a conversation between her and me. I’m not sure how I feel about that statement. In her interactions she has aimed to avoid everything that is associated with the mzungu community. She openly expresses disdain anytime any of us do things that do that she disapproves of and thinks isn’t “Tanzanian” enough. It’s been an interesting situation at times.

It has been interesting to watch the group and other international students navigate the social system here and their perceived role as mzungu. Responses have been across the board. It is a fascinating situation to observe. People have responded in so many of different ways. There have been responses of frustration, anger and acceptance. Generally, as the semester has gone on people have become more positive.

I am somewhere in the middle. I think I have struck some peace with the fact that I am undeniably mzungu in Tanzania. I know that I will never be Tanzanian. My skin color will always make me stick out. There is absolutely no getting around that. I have decided that I can minimize the amount of attention I draw to myself. I have to pick what I say, do and where I go. I cannot negate the fact that some people will always treat me differently because of my ethnicity.

Back to the original statement....it left me puzzled for several reasons. First, I’m not sure exactly if that statement comes with conditions and secondly, what has the last few months been...a vacation? The whole thing is a bit too strange for me. I struggled with her viewpoint because it seemed as if she despised the fact that she wasn’t Tanzanian. It is something we know coming here is that we will be a minority in most situations. Intellectually knowing it is far different than understanding what it feels like and anticipating how you will react.

This is one of those things that can be hard to comment on earlier because at least I’ve felt like I need ore time to gain an understanding and a perspective. There is such a history with the way mzungu are treated. Some of it is a spillover from colonialism and the missionary era. Other bits are from the interactions with tourists. There are the things like kids shouting “Give me money” as you walk past or taxi drivers yelling out the window that they have a mzungu in the car so other cars should move. It can be embarrassing and annoying. I cannot change the behavior though. It is something that is bigger than me and my short stay here.