Today I Have A Desire...

I know that this will never happen as long as I am in Tanzania, yet I feel the need to dream. I would like to go from my dorm to my destination without being hassled by semi-flirtatious men or good natured citizens who keep trying to teach me Swahili. It’s not that I don’t know a lot of words; I just don’t feel like having a long pointless from my perspective conversation. This culture is completely relationship oriented and it can be very tiring. I miss being able to go from point A to B and not having to talk to a single unknown soul. It feels so pointless from my Western perspective. For Tanznaians, all of this builds relationship and you many need something from that individual so it pays to be kind to them and this is in general a very friendly culture. I just want space to breathe and be without fearing that I am being rude. I feel the obligation to always talk and be open because if not I feel like the rude American. In reality, if I don’t hear a greeting or quickly pass someone on the walkway, I am probably deep in thought as my brain has been occupied since I’ve been here. This is probably my most negative journal entry yet, but it is how I feel today. It is part of my learning. I will not change a culture and I don’t realistically expect them to change for me. My options are to accept it and be bubbly, ignore people and fulfill the stereotype, or get over the thought that I might offend someone and try my best within reason.

I think the whole thing would be easier if I knew more people around me. I know so few Tanzanian students. All of the ones that I’ve met so far end up asking for my phone number or for me to “visit” them. This male dominated campus wears on my brain and nerves. After seeing some of the trouble the other girls have had, I’ve decided to be very leery of all of the men here. I’d rather avoid the situation than have to make up a story or deal with someone who is persistent. It’s not well understood that we did not come to Tanzania to get married. I understand that I am somewhat of an anomaly here. I’m 24 and single with no children. It’s not as bad around the university as it is in the outlying areas. The women wonder why I don’t have children and a house at home. I’m beyond the age of marriage. I should have babies or so I’ve been told. In the end, I’ve almost reached the conclusion to exclusively befriend women on campus with the exception of a few international students for various reasons.

I really could just lock myself in the library today and be content…if I could find what I am looking for. Hopefully my search for information will not be in vain.