I’ve heard so many jokes and references it bride prices since I’ve been in Tanzania that I’ve lost count. Some of them were from others outside of our group. Admittedly most of it is internal and a bit of a running joke as to “our value” when approached by men. It provides for interesting conversation as to what our “worth” is. I’ve always viewed the bride price and buying a wife or a woman who does housework for you and keeps your bed warm without any real relationship.
After discussing it with women who have been part of negotiations for the bride price for their relatives I have a different perspective. The process of negotiating a bride price involved getting commitments from the family of the groom in term of items or finances. These items are not what determine the bride’s worth as a person. These items show the commitment of the families to support the union and the children it produces. If even one family member has reservations about the marriage, their potion of the bride price can be withheld as a sign of disapproval or concern. From what I was told, the bride and groom can go ahead and get married, if they choose, but it is seen as an unwise choice. They risk not having support for their children in the form of land and a family inheritance. This becomes a serious issue for the couple. This relationship and exchange in the form on a bride price seals the two families together. One lady I spoke with said that divorce would be a mess because of the things that would have to be returned. Also, the children of the marriage become part of the husband’s family. Since children are your retirement plan and long life insurance, loosing those children in a divorce is a very undesirable outcome.
The exchange of this bride is the melding of two families. It is seen like that at home too, though here it takes on a whole different dimension of permanent. I have to wonder if more families were involved in the marriages I’ve known that haven’t made it, would the outcome be different. The people who know you best are your family. They, usually, can provide the best insight into situations and provide and outside perspective that is necessary.
As much as the bride price is part of the culture, it is something that is also subject to change as the time change. Once fathers may have requested livestock, now cars could be requested. Some families make the bride price as a symbolic gesture and honor to tradition without actually expecting huge sums.
In places where a large bride price is still expected and young men have much haste to get married; there is a way around the system. The young man “kidnaps” the girl of his choice. Of course, usually she is in on the plot too. The next morning you send word to the girl’s parents and your relatives that she is OK and negotiations being. Usually the man’s family frowns on this act because they are left to pay virtually whatever the bride’s family demands as she has already been taken.
As much protection this system seems to offer the new couple, I can’t imagine having to begin or be in one of the conversations for one of my relatives. I think it would be even more nerve wracking if it was about me.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment